The Pathetically Jealous Man, Chapter 4.2
CHAPTER 4.2
“Lumin! Lee Lumin! Open the door! Hey! Lumin!”
Taesup knocked desperately on the front door of Lumin’s apartment. His tightly clenched fist slammed down on the solid and chilled iron plate of the front door. But the cold door didn’t open, and the sounds only echoed in the hall.
“Hngh, fuck. Lumin...”
He slammed his fist on the door with all his might for the last time. Taesup slumped down on the floor with his back to the door and gasped for breath. The coldness from the door seeped into his back. After driving without sleep and moving around so chaotically, his head felt dizzy and his breathing became short.
After first hearing the rumor about Lumin dating, Taesup hadn’t been able to sleep properly. That was why he wasn’t in his right mind. Lumin and Taesup had been so careful so as not to let details of their relationship leak, but now he had spilled the beans entirely of his own accord. There was no excuse, even if he was suffering from a severe lack of sleep. It was natural for Lumin not to open the door. Of course.
I shouldn’t have said anything. Even if I couldn’t renew the contract, I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have been so rough having sex with him. I shouldn’t have threatened him. I should’ve admitted the truth and told him I had feelings for him when he asked me on set.
No, before that, I should have dated him when he confessed to me a year ago.
Even if he did open the door, I’m afraid to see Lumin look at me with cold eyes. I’ve only just realized that I can’t be with anyone besides him. How can I make things right? Can I?
Taesup, who had nothing to rely on but the cold door, leaned against it, hugged his knees, buried his head, and sobbed.
“Hic, nnngh, Lee Lumin… You’re so cruel—”
Taesup was suddenly hit on his back by the door, which had opened, and he fell over on his knees, rolling around pathetically.
“Huh? Ahjussi?”
“L-Lumin!”
“Why didn’t you ring the bell? I thought you were a weirdo. Oh my God, what’s wrong!”
Taesup saw Lumin peeking out through the slightly opened door and crawled over on all fours, having completely lost any sense of dignity. He looked like a dog who’d finally found his owner.
Taesup opened the door wide, scared that the small crack might close in his face at any moment, and without even thinking about standing up, desperately hugged Lumin’s waist and buried his face in his stomach while on his knees. Tears flowed down his sunken eyes, and he drooled and wet Lumin’s shirt.
“W-what should I do?!”
“Ahjussi, calm down, please.”
“I-I can’t sleep because of you. I was supposed to start my next project, but I can’t even focus on work. What should I do?”
“Shh...”
While the two were making noise in front of the door, the neighbor’s front door opened. Lumin saw the woman, whom he occasionally passed by in the hallway. She saw Taesup rubbing his face against Lumin’s body while hanging onto his legs. She clicked her tongue and went back inside her home.
Lumin bent down to soothe and quiet Taesup.
“Ahjussi, let’s, um, go inside and talk.”
***
“Are you feeling better now?”
“Y-yeah… Hic.”
Taesup, still sniffling and crying on the sofa, accepted the tea that Lumin offered him. The warmth from the tea melted the cold air that had seeped into his body while he sat on the cold floor, and the bitter scent calmed his heart. Although the intense emotions that had been ravaging him had subsided, his weak body still felt uneasy.
Since he had come this far, he had to say what he’d come for. Taesup quickly and anxiously gulped down the tea that Lumin had offered.
“Keugh! It’s hot! Keugh, keugh.”
Taesup spat out the tea that he couldn’t swallow. His clothes were soaked and his mouth was agape, making him look terrible in many ways.
“Why did you drink it so fast?!”
“Oof, keugh...”
“I’ll bring a towel!” Lumin got up to grab a dry towel.
But Taesup was scared that Lumin would leave him forever. Looking at Lumin’s back, moving away, filled him with anxiety about the end of the contract.
He grabbed Lumin’s hand.
“Wait! Wait a minute...”
Lumin looked down at Taesup with a look of worry and doubt.
“Yes?” Lumin’s clear eyes urged him to speak.
Taesup couldn’t delay the horrible moment any longer.
I actually told your boyfriend, Ma Jehyuk, that you were being sponsored by me. I’m really sorry. But considering the time we spent together and the feelings we had for each other, could you please forgive me? I’m so sorry.
Perhaps Lumin, who Taesup had never once seen angry, would accept Taesup’s apology if he explained the situation well. After organizing his thoughts, Taesup opened his mouth.
“Lumin… I like you….”
The long apology he’d rehearsed in his head came out instead as a short confession.
Lumin, taken aback by the urgent but sincere confession, sat down next to him without letting go of his hand. His eyes were lowered toward the floor.
In truth, it was already too late for a confession. If Taesup had wanted to start a relationship, he should have accepted Lumin’s confession a year ago; at the very least before the dating rumors had started. But Taesup felt like he would die if he kept on going like this, so he confessed his true feelings without thinking about the consequences.
“Actually, I told Ma Jehyuk that I was sponsoring you.”
“What?! Why would you…”
Lumin jumped up in surprise, unable to finish his sentence, and raised his eyes to the ceiling, letting out a long sigh between his lips.
“I’m really sorry. I thought that was the only way to hold on to you… I’m the worst. I don’t deserve you. I’m so sorry...”
Taesup couldn’t keep his eyes on one place and spoke incoherently, grabbing Lumin’s hand tightly once again.
“I-I know I’m really selfish and I’m a shitty guy, but…you don’t have to date me, you can date Ma Jehyuk, so please, hic, please, please let me keep sponsoring you...”
After finishing his sentence, Taesup grabbed Lumin’s knees with both hands, leaning over to bury his face in them. Hot tears of repentance flowed from his eyes and soaked his knees.
“No, I mean, you can quit the sponsorship, so just…”
“W-wait a second.”
“Please, Lumin! Waah… It doesn’t matter how, please, hic, just don’t leave me, hic...”
Taesup couldn’t control his emotions and whined like a child while sobbing, making Lumin’s knees wet.
“Oh, Ahjussi…” Lumin sighed.
Taesup wanted Lumini to stay in his life, no matter the form, but now it was clear that Lumin was angry and would abandon the contract. He’d made an embarrassing scene in front of his apartment for his neighbor to see, confessed his love belatedly, cried like a baby, made a mess of his clothes, and told his boyfriend that he was sponsored… There was no way to recover from the debacle.
His friend Lee Seonho came to mind. Why had he proffered such terrible advice? Ma Jehyuk also came to mind. That bastard, how had he come to start a relationship with Lumin? He wanted to blame anyone else. But then his own face came to mind. Lim Taesup, the piece of trash who’d been unable to recognize how precious Lumin had always been.
Taesup was swearing at himself when he felt a warm hand stroking his back, sweeping away the pain. As the warm hand continued its soothing touch, his heart seemed to calm down a little.
“Okay.”
“Huhh?”
Taesup raised his head, dumbfounded at Lumin’s unexpected answer. More hot tears flowed over his cheeks, and his nose dripped with clear snot.
Suspecting that Lumin was trying to coax him out of the house, Taesup held his knees even tighter.
Lumin smiled softly, as if he was amused at Taesup’s insistent grip. He looked directly at his face and held him in his arms.
“You said you’re okay with us having any relationship, right?”
“Huh? Yeahhh… Hic.”
Taesup had said he was okay with any kind of relationship, but thinking of Lumin going back and forth between him and Ma Jehyuk was too distressing. Still, since he had committed an unforgivable crime, he was in no position to be making any demands. He decided to hold on to Lumin for now and plan his next steps later. He was ready to fight the long fight if needed.
As Taesup was resolving his heart, Lumin picked up his phone and held it up to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Oh, Lumin? I’m with Jahong right now.”
Ma Jehyuk’s grating voice could be heard from the other end of Lumin’s phone. Taesup couldn’t figure out what Lumin was going to say, so he simply sniffed and watched Lumin with his reddened eyes.
“Let’s stop dating now!”
Taesup opened his eyes wide, surprised by Lumin’s sudden words. Had Lumin just dumped Ma Jehyuk? Was he single? All of a sudden? Did Taesup actually have a chance? He didn’t understand the situation, but…
“Huh? Already? Well, okay, then—”
Lumin, with a determined face, hung up the phone without even listening to the rest of Ma Jehyuk’s answer. Then he raised the corners of his mouth and smiled. Within Lumin’s large, smiling eyes lay the reflection of Taesup, with his red nose and tearful eyes.
“Ahjussi, I—”
“I like you, I really, really like you, Lumin,” Taesup cut him off. “Let’s date, Lumin. Please. I’ll be good to you. I won’t make you regret it.”
Taesup spoke quickly, as if he needed to get something important off his chest.
“Hahaha, you’re so funny,” Lumin laughed beautifully at the sudden confession.
When Lumin smiled as if giving his permission for them to enter into a relationship, Taesup squeezed his waist with his arms and buried his face in Lumin’s neck. As their soft skin touched, the sweet smell of milk stimulated his sense of smell, and the time they had spent together flashed through his mind. He inhaled Lumin’s scent, which he’d almost lost for good.
“You smell so good, Lumin. I like you so, so much.”
Taesup’s nose inhaled Lumin’s scent as though he were an animal, and his rough lips rubbed against his neck, muffled his pronunciation as he continued to murmur his feelings. Lumin tilted his head back and forth, feeling ticklish from the nuzzling.
“Me too,” he laughed. “I like you too, Ahjussi.”
Taesup felt his heart skip at Lumin’s confession, and he closed his eyes to enjoy the afterglow of the situation. Today was the first time that Taesup and Lumin had hugged each other while fully clothed. Both their hearts beat against each other.
Lumin carefully pushed Taesup’s arms away with both hands and looked up at him. Their eyes met halfway. It was amazing that Taesup had kept this adorable being by his side for so many years and hadn’t realized how precious he was. He had wasted so much time.
As Taesup regretted his past, Lumin slowly closed his eyes, and his moist lips rested awkwardly on Taesup’s lips, which had become rough from a lack of sleep.
During their sponsored relationship, they had slept together countless times, but this was the first time they had kissed.
ST: <3
CHAPTER 1.1
CHAPTER 1.2
CHAPTER 2.1
CHAPTER 2.2
CHAPTER 3.0
CHAPTER 4.1
CHAPTER 4.2
CHAPTER 4.3
EPILOGUE
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